George

For anyone who was a fan of Seinfeld, this title is sure to evoke fond memories. Doing ‘The George’ is second nature to me now, but it wasn’t always the case.

In 2001, I found myself climbing out of a self-imposed hole. My normally healthy self-worth had withered to a mere fraction of what it used to be. I let ego and fear take over my life. I became a person I did not like.  I was needy. I was controlling. I was co-dependent. I was angry. I was in emotional pain.  I blamed others for the person I’d become. I said awful things to those that I loved, especially the ones I believed were responsible for my emotional distress.  In essence, I was the poster child for low, dense and negative energy.

Climbing out of that hole took guts as I’d been in it for so long. First, I had to realize I was IN a hole. Ding ding. Then, I had to acknowledge I’d not only gotten myself into this hole but I’d bought a shovel to dig even deeper.  Lastly, I had to get myself out. No one could do this for me. SUCK!  That meant I had to take responsibility for being so miserable. Double SUCK!

As I was flailing around still trying to blame everyone else, two amazing women entered my life.  Both of these women were highly spiritual and brought different gifts to the table.  Both were my salvation.   One taught me to live for myself and not be concerned with what ‘everybody’ thinks.  She taught me to try to live in the moment and not do things that I really, truly did not want to do.  She taught me it was OK to say no, especially to ego.

The other indispensable woman helped me grow my intuitive gifts and calmed and soothed my spiritual soul when I was afraid and panicky. I called her my ‘personal aloe vera plant’ and with good reason. She’s the one who gave me this fabulous tidbit of spiritual advice when I had asked, “But, how do I know if what I’m doing is spiritual or not?” She replied, “Just do the opposite of what you would normally do and that’s usually the spiritual way.”

One of my first acts utilizing what I now call ‘The George’ (aka Fake It ‘Till You Make It) was trying to figure out what my priorities were and what invitations I really wanted to accept.  This meant I had to examine my very loud ego and why I was really doing what I was doing.  Was I saying yes because I felt I HAD to or ‘everybody’ would be disappointed?  Or was I saying yes because I really wanted to do said event?   I found saying no became easier when I listened and responded to my own needs first.

My ego became quieter and putting myself first was rewarding.  I was saying NO to guilt and YES to me for the first time since childhood. This didn’t make me shameless or selfish, it made me empowered.  I was no longer doing things because I felt ‘others’ or ‘everybody’ expected it.  I was no longer saying yes to things and then praying for an excuse to not attend.  It was liberating!!

After about six months of really working this George concept, I began to see a positive change in me.  I was less apt to listen to my fears and insecurities and more likely to have faith and trust. I had gone from spiritually crawling on all fours to taking a few tentative steps. Or maybe it was more like learning to roll from my belly onto my back.

By doing the opposite of what I wanted to do and was used to doing, I gave up some control and got my feet wet in the Patience Pond. I even allowed a few of my emotional hurts to heal and watched as those scars faded.

By letting go of some (!!) control, my long lost friends, self-worth and self-esteem returned.  They brought along a little dash of confidence and a pinch of sassiness. After what seemed like years, I was able to glimpse what my World was like above ground once again.

2 Responses

  1. michele

    Fake it til I make it came about in approx 2005 for me, all because of this gal. Change your attitude change your life. I wouldn’t be here right now without her perspective. Great blog!!!!!

Comments are closed.